YARD WORK AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN
(Overheard in a conversation between God and St.
Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what
in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What
happened to the dandelions, violets,thistles and the
stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The
nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I
expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All
I see are patches of green.
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are
called the Suburbanites. They started calling your
flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.
Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little,
they cut it....sometimes two times a week.
They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and
put it in bags.
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they
No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw
Now let me get this straight. . . they fertilize
it to make it grow and when it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
summer when we cut back on the rain and
turn up the heat. That surely slows the
growth and saves them a lot of work.
You aren't going to believe this Lord, but
when the grass stops growing so fast, they
drag out hoses and pay more money to
water it so they can continue to mow it and
pay to get rid of it.
What nonsense! At least they kept some of
the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius,
if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves
in the spring to provide beauty and shade in
the summer. In the autumn they fall to the
ground and form a natural blanket to keep
the moisture in the soil and protect the trees
and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
become compost to enhance the soil. It's a
natural circle of life.
You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as
the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake
them into great piles and pay to have
them hauled away.
No way! What do they do to protect the
shrubs and tree roots in the winter
to keep the soil moist and loose?
After throwing the leaves away, they go
out and buy something called mulch. They
haul it home and spread it around in place
of the leaves.
And where do they get this mulch?
They cut down the trees and grind
them up to make mulch.
Enough! I don't want to think about
this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?
"Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really
stupid movie about. . .
Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story
from Saint Francis!